I feel tired, so I will create a list

[thebitterguy]

Top Ten Other Things Uwe Boll Could Have Given The King In Dungeon Siege as Bodyguards That Would Have Been Just As Anachronistic

1. Cowboys


2. Velociraptors


3. Musketeers


4. Vampire Slayers


5. Golems


6. Sexdroids


7. Superflies


8. Navy Seals


9. Cylons


10. Black Panthers

Comments

[deven-science.livejournal.com]

What did he give the king?

[thebitterguy]

Ninja.

[stop-no-dont.livejournal.com]

Did the theme to Mortal Kombat play in the background while Statham mowed 'em down?

[kinra.livejournal.com]

Yes. Basically.

Statham had this laughable cardboard sword he persisted in using throughout the movie while heavily-armed knights thwacked at each other. I kept hoping he would upgrade, or something.

Nope, turns out the movie is entirely unconnected to the game.

[thebitterguy]

With John Leguizamo as The Donkey.

[thebitterguy]

Well, he was technically working with the king, so he fought with the ninja.

[kinra.livejournal.com]

Also lesbian cirque-de-soleil elves.

[thebitterguy]

Oh, yes. Uwe loves his HLA.

[gamera-spinning.livejournal.com]

And imagine mixing some of these options:
Superfly Velocirapters!
Musketeer Vampire Slayers!
Cylon Golems!

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

I missed the point at which you explained why you did this to yourself but there are easier ways of practicing sadomasochism.

[thebitterguy]

I saw a film once where a Baldwin used the pizza/sex metaphor, but I find it wanting, so I just will say: Free movie!

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

I will accept free movie. Still... euw.

[madmanofprague.livejournal.com]

Superfly Cylon Black Panthers.

[thebitterguy]

I would totally watch that movie.

Although it would also be a great Damnation Decade game.

[(Anonymous)]

By Your Command, Bitch.

[madmanofprague.livejournal.com]

"By your command, bitch."

*jungle boogie montage*

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

Please, Burt Reynolds can only be escorted by sexdroids.

[deven-science.livejournal.com]

Fembots?

[doc-mystery.livejournal.com]

So, what movie *are* you mocking?

::B::

[thebitterguy]

Dungeon Siege: In the Name of the King.

[doc-mystery.livejournal.com]

Aha, this movie:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460780/

::B::

[thebitterguy]

That's the one.

[shara.livejournal.com]

Well hell, if it had had Musketeers I mighta gone to see it.

But Vhy Vould I Make Movie about Chocolate Bar?

[thebitterguy]

You know, if he ever found out that he could do a Three Musketeers movie without having to pay for the license, we'd be in trouble.