thebitterguy

So, in the halcyon days of the '80s, one man stood for the supremacy of the American male. Rocky Balboa. A plucky, scrappy boxer from Philadelphia, Rocky faced every challenge that came to him with determination and a swollen face.

This is not about him.

Rocky had two great foes he faced in his career. One, a boxer from the mean streets with a neck full of gold and a hunger to succeed (and possibly the Eye of the Tiger. I can't be sure). The other, Rocky's Soviet counterpart, the greatest achievement of Communist Sports Medicine.

Clubber Lang, portrayed in a career making role by Mr. T (who would go on to drive the van), defeated Rocky in their first match. Rocky had allowed himself to be softened by success, which left him a ripe target for Lang's prison hardened rage. Although Lang was eventually defeated by Rocky (Spoiler!), Rocky's defeat left him shaken to the core.

Some time later, Rocky would once again be forced back into the ring to face Ivan Drago, a Soviet super boxer. Rocky initially declined to fight Drago, only to have the gauntlet taken up by his one-time adversary, now friend, Apollo Creed. After a James Brown laced opening, Creed would be slaughtered in the ring, LITERALLY, leaving a grief stricken Rocky to take the fight back to the Motherland. After an equally ostentatious Soviet Style pre-show (Red Army Choir & showgirls), Rocky defeated his outsized opponent before giving the audience a tear-stained paean to world peace.

The next day, the Berlin Wall fell.

So! We look now to see who would be triumphant in this battle between Rocky's defeated foes. Would it be the South Side Slugger, or the Iron Curtain? Let's Get Ready to Rumble (and also Violate Trademarks)!

[Poll #1403937]

Just out of curiosity, you see. Plus, I've got polls, might as well use 'em.

[Poll #1360259]

Well, friends, the time is approaching. A month remains for the premiere of Joss Whedon's new Fox drama Dollhouse.

Opinions have begun to circulate about the show, and the ethical implications of people whose memories can be wiped and replaced at the whim of clients. That's all well and good, but beyond the purview of this simple poll.

What I'm interested in is, how long do you think it'll take for Fox to shitcan this puppy? I mean, sure they've done well with at least one genre show recently, but that got to appear on a day people watch TV with the occasional promotion. Dollhouse, on the other hand, seems to be treading a familiar path.

So: Dollhouse! How long is it gonna last?

[Poll #1329739]

The greatest thing about the internet is it has taken the normally diffuse nerd community and brought it together to give it things to bitch about.

For example, somewhere on the intertubes someone did a list of "tough women" (INSERT SEXIST JOKE HERE, am I right, fellas?), and of course feelings were bruised. How dare Character A rate higher than Character B! This is an mockery! A mockery!

Two of the sterling members of that list were Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer and Ellen Ripley, Xenomorph avoider.

It seems a shame to make them fight. They have so much in common! Ripley’s foes are phallic xenomorphs from the deepest subconscious of a mad Swiss, while Buffy’s are dramatic incarnations of the various trauma of the young adult world.

They’ve both got strange maternal issues, with Ripley upon being informed her daughter has died of old age glomming onto the first traumatized pre-teen she chances upon. Buffy found herself in the unwanted role of den mother to a sprawling army of teen proto-slayers.

They both find their only stable romantic relationships in the arms of strong military men, but both lose them, whether through screenwriter dickishness chance or their own stupidity.

They've both died in climactic scenes by going for a slo-mo high dive. A nine from the Russian judge!

And they’ve both been in lousy movies written by Joss Whedon.

But, in the end, there’s no room for tea and biscuits here in Hoo’d Win. No, there is only blood and honour. Who shall it be? Whose rage burns hotter? Whose limbs are mightier?

You! Make! The! Call!

[Poll #1280435]

The time has come, I think, to step away from the main ring here in Hoo'd Win, and visit the auxilliary stages, where the second bananas of the fantastic universe battle for supremacy.

In the corner to my left stands Dr. Byron Orpheus, necromancer, single father and tenant. He is a master of the mystic arts, and maintains a business offering a specialized form of life insurance (don't miss a payment!). Along with his companions, Jefferson Twilight and The Alchemist, he forms the Order of the Triad.

In the right corner hovers Mentok, the Mind Taker. A former supervillain, he now imposes order as a judge in a major metropolitan city. He posseses great mental powers, primarily predicated around taking minds which he displays in little racks not unlike a collection of ceramic thimbles.

Both these masters of Mentalism and Mysticism keep the bench warm for the real stars, but we all know there's no small roles, just small actors. So!

Whose mind will be made up? Who shall dominate, and who shall be enthralled? You! MAKE! THE! Call.

[Poll #1267527]

A few days past, granolademonic told me, quite specifically:

Hoo'd Win some Vic Mackey vs. Omar Little by Friday, or I will.

It must happen! They're the two Batmanest bastards in television history.

Well, I can't say no to him, so here we go.

Amusing though: I've watched three times as many episodes of The Wire as I have The Shield. That's three to one, although I do own seasons one, two and three of The Wire.

Wikipedia, however, fills in the blanks.

Vic Mackey is:

a fictional Los Angeles Police Department detective and leader of the Strike Team, a four-man anti-gang unit in the FX crime drama series The Shield. Mackey is a corrupt yet effective police officer; he steals from drug dealers, beats suspects and has committed murder on three occasions. Two of the victims were violent gangsters, though the first was a member of his own team who was secretly working to expose Vic, despite his team's service to the community. Mackey sees his tactics as a means to an end. Despite his misdeeds, he is a devoted father, a loyal partner to his teammates and will readily protect those he sees as innocent victims.

While Omar LIttle is:

a fictional character on the HBO drama The Wire, portrayed by Michael K. Williams. Omar was a renowned stick-up man who lived by a strict code and never deviated from his rules, foremost of which is that he never robbed or menaced people who were not involved in the drug trade. Omar, who was gay, has had three partners on the show. Omar is the only major character on the series who claims to make a point of not using profanity.

Quite a pair. I suspect they've starred in a lot of slash together.

So! Pick your poison! Let this be the battleground on which these two knights of the streets see their final combat! Who shall be victorious, a cop so crooked he's straight, or... That stops there, actually.

First blood! Last Breath! There is now only one... HOO'D WIN!

[Poll #1261000]

[Poll #1253102]

I figure since I'm laid out on the couch unable to turn my head more than 8 degrees, I thought I'd ask a question.

American animation has greatly benefited from Asian influences. Martial arts and Samurai cinema and Japanese Anime have all had beneficial influences on storytelling, art styles and settings.

Two of the best American animated series of the past several years have been Avatar: the Last Airbender and Samurai Jack.

The two shows have a great deal in common; in each, a powerful warrior finds themselves lost in time, and must struggle against a mighty enemy to set right the world. Plus Mako.

In Avatar, the hero is Aang, the Avatar who possesses the power to master all four elemental martial arts styles. After being lost for a century, he returns to the world to find that the Fire Nation has struck out on a war of conquest. Samurai Jack's eponymous hero has been thrown forward through time by Aku, an evil sorcerer who has conquered the world in his absence.

Each of these mighty warriors strives to bring order to a chaotic world, but in the cruel arena of Hoo'd Win, only one will be victorious!

[Poll #1244646]

So, the time has come to ask, are you getting 4E? Are you not getting 4E? Do you not know exactly what the hell I'm talking about?

[Poll #1206296]

So, after hashing the #'s on the Don Cherry Poll (Excel wouldn't help me with a damn chart; maybe I needed to make a database?), I have a few results.

Not a single Canadian was unfamiliar with Don Cherry. 30% felt they were "very familiar" with him, and 36% had eaten in one of his eponymous eateries. Canadian respondents break down as 64% male, 36% female.

On othe other side of the 49th, 61% of respondents were not familiar with Don Cherry, while only 3% knew a lot about him (that was optimussven).

None of the Americans who replied had ever known the pleasure of Don Cherry's nachos.

Only a quarter of respondents from the USA were female.


The sole Australian had no idea what we were talking about.