thebitterguy

But this is still very amusing.

Trust me, I need amusement today.

Today, on McSweeneys:

EXCERPTS FROM
THE COLLECTED
ANSWERING-MACHINE
MESSAGES OF LYRICIST
TIM RICE.

I know that technically you're dead to me, but just for old times' sake I wanted to let you in on what I'm certain will be the most successful show that any human being has ever conceived—though, actually, I'm not really a human being: I'm made out of star stuff and the moon and am also God. So.
(In the background, there's the sound of a gunshot, followed by what sound like the screams of Mandy Patinkin.)

It has also helped me decide what I want to get the wife as an anniversary present.

Hands up if you've seen that face on occasion. It hurts.

Very amused last night watching the first ep of this season's Corner Gas (the last of the series).

There's a discussion during which somehow the topic of who would win in a fight, Spider-man or Sasquatch comes up. Brent actually says "Wait, do you mean Sasquatch from Alpha Flight, or just a generic sasquatch?"

Made my geek heart glow, I tell you. I almost Hoo'd Win'd the conversation on the spot, but decided against it.

I do wonder if the Corner Gas website is still unmanageable.

I was admittedly a little enthusiastic about No Heroics when I initially heard about it.

Two episodes in, though, it's pretty lame. The first one had only one good scene, with SheForce and Time-Bomb's discussion of her romantic prospects being carried along pretty much solely by the actors' own presence, and the now immortal "Handjob and a pizza" hand gestures.

The second episode was slightly better, which isn't so impressive considering how flat the first one fell. We learned some background of some of the characters (She-Force and Electroclash used to be partners), The Hotness continued to be stymied by Excelsor, and TimeBomb got a blowjob in a bathroom stall.

The Hotness managed to be a little sympathetic instead of just completely pathetic, although that role in this episode seemed to be taken up by the fanclub. Oh, that was kind of sad.

I guess it's a side effect of actually having read the source material, much like with Heroes. "Hey, look," they say, "superheroes can be dicks! Wow, eh?" Unaware of most of what came out in the '90s, or the Ultimate line, or even Superdickery.com.

I honestly want to see what happens when Monkeythunder uses his powers, but that many monkeys would probably double their budget.

YHB tends to watch three things on Monday nights.

#1 is this sitcom, The Big Bang Theory*. I know I've probably told you guys about it a thousand times before, but I like it. Sheldon grows into a bigger dick with each episode. I really hope they don't do a stupid "Will Leonard try to seek happiness with Penny or heal his friendship with Sheldon" bullshit semi-drama finale on this. I'm enjoying the Nerds Meet World vibe the show gives me, and there ain't nothing I hate more than unnecessary muddling of a show's strengths.



#2 is THIS sitcom, How I Met Your Mother. Very enjoyable show with an interesting framing device (guy tells long winded story about how he met the mother of his children). Amusing how he spent two seasons telling them about the girlfriend he had BEFORE he met their mother. Sort of a "I told you that story so I can tell you this one" type of thing. God, I hate those.

The show had some awesome story structure in the last set of episodes from last season. They were set before and during the wedding of Marshall and Lily, and used flashbacks and forwards to help tell the story. For example, one episode dealt with Ted's attempt to write a best man speech, and flashed forward to his telling the speech at the wedding. Marshall's wearing a hat. Brain says "I've never seen Marshall wear a hat before. It looks good on him." Wedding episode shows that Marshall wears hat because he shaved his head in a fit of rage at the horrible haircut he received. Comedy!

Plus, they've given us Neil Patrick Harris as Barney, which is the greatest character in TV history.

I feel kind of sorry for whoever they cast as the mother character. If she doesn't have some bang on chemistry with the cast, it'll do poorly.



#3 is Medium. Initially, I couldn't figure out which show I liked better, Medium or Ghost Whisperer. Then I realized that GW's main advantage was the Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs as opposed to the family story of Medium.

It's enjoyable. This season has been neat, since they got Allison Dubois, the lead character (based on real person Allison Dubois) fired from her job as a Psychic DA. She now works for a character played by Anjelica Huston, who is herself employed by some kind of 800 service/PI firm. Gamer tunnel vision handicapped me the first time I watched the show, since I couldn't figure out what, exactly, Allison's psychic ability is supposed to be. Does she have visions, does she see ghosts, blah blah blah. Then I told that little voice she bought "The Sight" and it's left me alone since then.

Fuckin' voice.

I do hope we get one episode where Joe gets a good night's sleep.

We have entered a new season of Dancing with the Stars, and I now beg God for a merciful death. Barring that, I just play Civ IV on the Mac. Today, FD f'n R tries to subjugate the Germans. Deja vu?

*Amusingly enough, if you search "Big Bang Theory" on wikipedia, you get a link to the tv show and a note "For the cosmological model, see Big Bang." Searching for "Big Bang" takes you to the theory.

I don't know how funny you'll find it, but darnit, I laughed.

pyat gave me this sitcom from the mother country called The IT Crowd. And I am currently laughing very hard.

Edit: Oh, God! He's talking into the mouse! Like Scotty!

Edit2: Not the face! Not the face!

Well, Frank's online edition (efrank.ca) is finally up & running. Although the costs seem somewhat... enthusiastic ($9.95 a month!) I'm likely to get back up & running on it soon.

Jesus, I need a credit card. I'd just sub up, and get that darn copy of T&J while I'm at it.

Because, really, none of y'all are normal.

Snra & I were attending a NYE party at the global headquarters of Pixel Barrel, but first off had tickets to attend the New Years Eve Laugh Until Someone Says Something Blindingly Innapropriate show at Massey Hall.

Since Sean Cullenwas hosting, that was somewhere in the introductory monologue, where the Asian Tsunami jokes started.

Okay, it wasn't REALLY about the Tsunami, more about Hollywood's self inovlvement, but, really, any comedy routine that includes the phrase "thousands dead" is gonna bring the house down.

Thankfuly, he chose to follow that with the porn song, which made everything okay.

I could also ignore his foolishness by looking at the hotty in the front row with the red leather dress. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you very much.

The rest of the show was similarly uneven. Jessica Holmes did Liza (funny), blondes 1, 2 & 3 (not funny) and Celine (humorous). Kid from Rick Mercer (whatever his name is) did some stuff about the benefits, nationally, of keeping a low profile. The Best Comedianne in Canada did a fairly bad set. I think I've seen her on the Just for Laughs, and been baffled then, too. The Imponderables did a bit about rod hockey hockey players. It was funny. "Who are we playing?" "The Russians." "The Russians AGAIN?!"

There were two other guys too, a philipino and a thin guy. They both amused me, and so can live to collect their own Canada Council grants.

The Frantics,of course, rocked. They did the Roots/Dildo sketch, Dirty Words in the Newspaper, and a few others, including a really funny one about a guy on the GO train who has to talk his daughter through her first period over the phone.