The Bitter Guide to Dumb People On the Blogosphere

[thebitterguy]

Dumbest things I have read lately

Person A: People who play Guitar Hero look dumb!

Answer: Yes. People who play pretty much any video game look dumb. Have you ever seen anyone playing a Wii? They look like they're having some strange epileptic fit. People don't play video games so they can fit your aesthetic vision of what the body should look like in motion, douchebag.

Person B: And I don't think it teaches you to play the guitar very well.

Answer: MY PLAYING HALO HAS TAUGHT ME NOTHING ABOUT SMALL UNIT TACTICS! AHHHH!

Comments

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

I seriously need to start that reality series I was talking about. If I had more clout I'd pitch it to G4; they'll air anything and I think it's in line with their love of humiliating game shows from Japan.

[thebitterguy]

Was that "Pros Vs JoesGamers"?

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

Yep, pretty much. I like your title better though.

Hmmmm...maybe I should shoot a sample test. I have grad school assignments anyway.

[absinthe-dot-ca.livejournal.com]

And these two "persons" are now dead and dismembered corpses, I trust?

[thebitterguy]

No, of course not, what a silly thing to suggest and please place the box I sent you directly into the ocean.

[pyat.livejournal.com]

MY PLAYING HALO HAS TAUGHT ME NOTHING ABOUT SMALL UNIT TACTICS! AHHHH

That's not what Jack Thompson told me!

[momentrabbit.livejournal.com]

I'm still waiting for him to explain how Pac-Man is a 'Binge Simulator', and how that explains the rise in obesity since it was released in North America some twenty-ish years ago.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

I think he'll be more likely to say the Pac-Man sound encourages our nation's youth to debase themselves. Wakka wakka wakka wakka....

[momentrabbit.livejournal.com]

Everything I needed to learn about high-energy physics I learned from Half-Life. <nodnods>

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

It's a little known fact that all the major discoveries in physics in the last ten years were actually achieved by Valve.

[fossilapostle.livejournal.com]

As a guitar instructor, I can say that Guitar Hero CAN help a student with the dual hand coordination required for picking and fretting at the same time. Which is pretty good for something that wasn't designed to be an instructional tool in the first place.

[thebitterguy]

Hah! Extra Pwnage!

[drewmg.livejournal.com]

I would argue that the drums in Rock Band lend toward the arm/foot coordination needed to be a real drummer.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

Actually, Harmonix has said that if you can play the drums on "Expert" in Rock Band and beat it consistently, you've got the basic grounding to play the drums for real.

[thebitterguy]

What if you flail around like an octopus on methamphetamines?

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

Then you have to drum for a punk band.

[thebitterguy]

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

Damn you for revealing my joke thievery. :-)

[newnumber6.livejournal.com]

To refute your argument, I credit the Spider-Man game with teaching me how to effectively swing from building to building.

I also learned a great deal of history from Civilization. Did you know that Gandhi, Queen Elizabeth, Genghis Khan, Napolean and others were all immortals? They also always break their treaties.

[thebitterguy]

I know that Gandhi will stick a knife in your back the second it's turned.

[rdansky.livejournal.com]

Of course not.

Ghost Recon is what you play to learn about small unit tactics. Halo's completely unrealistic, d00d.

[etherlad.livejournal.com]

Not that you're biased, of course.

[thebitterguy]

Yeah, but Red Storm games are full of subliminal Libertarian messages.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

But I CAN play Super Mario Bros. to learn how to defend myself from giant turtles, right?

[absinthe-dot-ca.livejournal.com]

That raises the question - Super Mario Bros. vs TMNT? Sounds like another Hoo'd Win poll for our host...

[thebitterguy]

No, but when you rescue the princess you are now a certified plumber.

[palintheist.livejournal.com]

World of Warcraft has educated me on how to draw, sight, and shoot a 6' tall longbow while simultaneously mentally commanding my giant, spectral canine to attack maddened demons.

You wouldn't believe how often you need these life lessons on public transit.

[thebitterguy]

Man, that WoW is like night school. You can learn ANYTHING there.

[granolademonic.livejournal.com]

I have nothing witty to add (or perhaps what I have to add is so witty that all the other comments would pale in comparison, and then I'd feel guilty), but I want to say that I absolutely loved your wording in this post. Well done, sir.

[madmanofprague.livejournal.com]

I was kinda disappointed when I played Guitar Hero and it didn't actually play any notes when you hit the keys.

[tenzil.livejournal.com]

Singing in Rock Band, however, makes you sound just as much of an idiot as singing at a karaoke bar does.

[thebitterguy]

Oh, it's ON.

[rbowspryte.livejournal.com]

Was this person trying to argue the lack of value in video games and that fact that they are a huge waste of time? So what?!! We like it that way!

[thebitterguy]

I really have no idea if they were doing anything other than being unnecessarily snide.

[crashing-angel.livejournal.com]

But but....I know how to knock out small creatures and stuff them into balls, smack people around with no hearts, and Summon creatures to do my bidding!

[adamjury.livejournal.com]

Hell, playing regular guitar only looks cool because people believe it can get you laid.