(no subject)

[thebitterguy]

Dear Co-Worker:

Hi! Here's a few helpful steps to not piss of The Bitter Guy.

Step 1: If you receive an ominous email suggesting how criminals in the US may take advantage of honest Canucks on cross border trips by using them as drug mules, delete it. It's probably bullshit.

Step 2: If you ignore that advice and think "what a horrible thing to happen" (possibly the first thought to pass your frontal lobes that day), please familiarize yourself with a handy online resource I call "Snopes.com". If you look (under ten seconds of research required!) you can discover this is, in fact, a hoax.

Step 3: If you ignore the previous advice, and think the staff of the floor need to be educated about this risk, don't. It's annoying.

Step 4: If you ignore that previous advice, and I send you an email stating the information you could have learned BY YOURSELF BY DOING TEN SECONDS OF INVESTIGATION, be gracious and thank me for educating you.

Step 5: If you ignore the previous advice, do not tell me some bullshit story about how "its always good to be cautious"(sic), because it is irrelevant to the situation (i.e. you wasting everyone's time with fake fear stories).

Step 6: If you ignore the previous advice, and I tell you that you're just contributing to the general state of fear that authoritarian figures like to feed up on, don't reply by saying

the world we live in today is getting more crazier (sic) day by day, some vaco student comes in the school (sic) start shooting and killing over 14 people, just recently in cleveland 14 yrs old boy was suspended 2 days later he came and started shooting everyone. if (sic) they would have done there (sic) homework this mishap would have been prevented.
so my friend its " IT'S BETTER TO BE SAFE THEN SORRY"(sic) regardless if that stupid web site say if its (sic)a false info (sic)?

Step 7: If you ignore the previous advice, please go and die.

Thank you,
TBG

Comments

[viktor-haag.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I recommend a kill file.

[thebitterguy]

Trust me, he's already in my... Oh, you mean an EMAIL kill file.

[viktor-haag.livejournal.com]

Chyess.

[electricland.livejournal.com]

Your co-worker is, and I do not say this lightly, an illiterate moron.

[thebitterguy]

How much you wanna bet he gets made a manager before me?

[srhall79.livejournal.com]

Well, he does seem to be more a team player, what with the thoughtful(less)warnings to the entire crew, whereas you are over there wishing death upon stupid people.

[thebitterguy]

"wishing death upon stupid people" is technically one of my core competencies.

[innocent-man.livejournal.com]

Tell your pig-fucking coworker that all of the "homework" in the world doesn't make a lick of difference if the kid in question is abused at home, bullied at school, and has access to firearms. The "bullied at school" part, the district could have handled better, maybe, though as any teacher will tell you it's impossible to stamp out bullying entirely. The rest?

Believe me, the folks who work for the Cleveland school district feel as shitty about this as anyone. I had to watch people who knew that kid (he went to elementary school at the school at which I work) in tears because they couldn't help him.

"Do there homework." Fucking armchair experts.

[thebitterguy]

I'm sorry it was upsetting, Matt. I didn't think about that particular part.

[innocent-man.livejournal.com]

No worries, man. I've been dealing with folks saying a bunch of shit since it happened. It's just annoying to me; if I'd actually known the kid myself, it would be truly upsetting.

Impressive...

[absinthe-dot-ca.livejournal.com]

Holy shit, that's a dumb one. I can give you some tips on hiding bodies if you want to help with skimming the gene pool (here's a free one - yank out all the teeth with pliers and smash them with a hammer, because teeth are the last thing to decay in a corpse).

The incredible leap of logic required to go from urban myths about being duped into being drug mules, right to school shootings, is actually kind of impressive, in a "what the hell are you thinking" sort of way.

Maybe you *should* take the other job - the savings to your mental health could more than equal the loss to your monetary income...

Re: Impressive...

[thebitterguy]

Oh, he's mostly harmless. He gives me much amusement whenever he sends out an open email letter.

[madmanofprague.livejournal.com]

Hey man, I hardly ever did my homework in high school and did I ever shoot up any classrooms?

Of course not. They would've seen it coming.

[thebitterguy]

Man, it's the profiling. You wear a long coat, keep your hair in a mohawk, and point your index finger at people and go 'bang bang' and they get suspicious.

[rfmcdpei.livejournal.com]

Ever see Severance?

[thebitterguy]

A nice wilderness team building exercise suddenly seems like a good idea.

[malliabu.livejournal.com]

ooh oohh!!!!

who was it?

[thebitterguy]

I'll tell you later.

[circus13.livejournal.com]

"if (sic) they would have done there (sic) homework this mishap would have been prevented.
so my friend its " IT'S BETTER TO BE SAFE THEN SORRY"(sic) regardless if that stupid web site say if its (sic)a false info (sic)?"

So he can accuse them of not doing their homework on this kid, while he didn't bother doing his OWN homework about the drug mule story? Hmmmm.

Oh, and I live in Central Illinois. Tazewell County to be specific. You know, the #1 unsolved homicide rate in the USA? And also right across the river from Fulton County, the #2 unsolved homicide rate in the USA. The same one that Johnny Carson used to say, back in the 60's: "If you want to kill someone and get away with it, go to Fulton County, Illinois."

For purely disposal reasons only.