Hoo'd Win: Jack Attack!

[thebitterguy]

Today, on Hoo'd Win, the leading Fake Fight Network on your friends list, we take it to the Extreme! Our two competitors are both shining scions of American manhood. Hailing from California, Jack Bauer is what is known in some books as a tough son of a bitch. He's accumulated a host of acronyms in his resume, starting with MA, LAPD, SWAT, SFOD-D, CIA, and CTU. He's saved the United States (or at least California) on more than one occasion. He's a paragon of The Ends Justify My Breaking Your Limbs, and he eats pig iron and shits ingots.

Our next contestant, however, still views him as a pussy. Jack Burton. Jack Burton has been to hell. Several hells, in fact. He's a raconteur, a man of many words and more actions. He's paid his dues, and he's looked that big 'ol storm in the eye and said "Give me your best shot. I can take it." He never drives faster than he can see, because it's all in the reflexes. He's the best sidekick a guy could ever ask for, but don't tell him that.

So, loyal viewers: Which of these Jacks of one trade (ass-kicking) will it be? The government man, or the man of the road?

Choose! Choose now!

[Poll #877171]

Comments

[noizangel.livejournal.com]

What about Jack Bristow? He shot his (fake) wife in the head! And he thought it was his real wife, who's ex-KGB!

He'd win. Dammit.

[drewmg.livejournal.com]

That's not fair. Jack Bristow would destroy anyone he ever fought.

[noizangel.livejournal.com]

This is true. He's like Chuck Norris that way.

[thebitterguy]

Jack who now?

[noizangel.livejournal.com]

WHAT?

JACK BRISTOW IS THE GREATEST CIA AGENT OF ALL TIME.

Ahem.

Sydney's dad on 'Alias'.

[thebitterguy]

Ah. Maybe I'll do a match with Jack Bristow & Jack Sheppard, and have a Jack-Off with the winner of that one and Burton.

Maybe I"ll need a new name for that, though.

[drewmg.livejournal.com]

I did something like this once: I made my friends choose who would win in a fight: Topher Grace or Elijah Wood.

http://drewmg.livejournal.com/158956.html

[thebitterguy]

Amusingly enough, there's a community dedicated to RPS of the two of them, so it seems unfair to make them fight.

[pyat.livejournal.com]

Jack Bauer may WORK for the government, but Jack Burton pretty much IS America, Godblessitsgreatbigbeatingheart.

And, anyway, it's all in the reflexes.

[thebitterguy]

Here's to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won; here's to America's colors, the colors that never run.

[athelind.livejournal.com]

May the wings of liberty never lose a feather!

[stop-no-dont.livejournal.com]

I hate to pick against Mista Burton, but he's hampered by a pesky sense of morality. Bauer is not: why throw a knife when he can just put two slugs in the guy's back?

[gurudata.livejournal.com]

Hiho,

These polls are fun... I may have to blatently steal this format and do some of my own... :)

Cu,
Andrew

[athelind.livejournal.com]

John Carpenter.
Directing Kurt Russell.
Channeling John Wayne.

For the win.

[thebitterguy]

Man, I've never thought of it that way. That makes it even more awesome.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

Burton. Bauer'd put up a good fight, though.

[thebitterguy]

Yep. It's darn near impossible to torture Jack Burton, too.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

That WOULD be a rather frustrating experience for Bauer, wouldn't it?

Still, I'd like to see Burton/Bauer versus Lo Pan.