What we should do.

[thebitterguy]

You know what Canada should do? We should invite Germany & France & Everyone to come over and do military maneuvers right by the border to the States. And when they see that, they'll come over and they'll be like, "hey, what are you guys doing?" And we'll go "Just hanging out." And they'll go "Looks like fun." And we'll be all "Yeah, they're showing us their new tanks." And there'll be this sorta awkward silence for a second, and they'll just stare at their boots for a few minutes and we'll just stand there and then we'll go "Hey, gotta go, we're gonna fire exocet missles off!"

Then, we'll back up a truck to the border and they'll be all like "Hey, what are you doing backing up a truck to my border?" and we'll go "Nothing" and they'll go "What's in the truck?" and we'll go "Nothing." and they'll try to look in and we'll be all like "Hey, what are you doing?" and they'll go "Nothing." and then it'll get all quiet again and we'll just kinda stand there and then when they're getting ready to go away again we'll say "Hey, you wanna see what's in the truck?" and they'll go, "Okay, sure", and we'll pull it back and everyone will be back there with a cake that says "Happy birthday!" and they'll all go "Surprise!" and the States will go "But it isn't my birthday!" and we'll go "Duh, you're always drunk and shooting off fireworks on your birthday; besides, that wouldn't be a surprise" and then we'll give them a collage that says "Canada/US, Best Friends 4Ever".

That'd be cool.

Comments

[aarondb.livejournal.com]

I'd rather just invade.

And then the US can be all like "We'll nuke your countries!" and we can be like "Fine. We're all here invading you anyway."

[thebitterguy]

But invading is WORK (and, as someone obviously never told their current administration, occupying is even MORE work). Cake is fun!

[ludickid.livejournal.com]

As an American, I fully support this plan.

[thebitterguy]

Excellent. The cake will be chocolate, with vanilla frosting.

[deven-science.livejournal.com]

That. Is. Brilliant. I actually did laugh out out. Good show.

[thebitterguy]

Thank you!

[anidada.livejournal.com]

Ooookaaaay. *backs away slowly*

[thebitterguy]

Phear Me!

Oh, you wanna come over to play the Buffy Board game sometime? You can come over and let Alex stay with the bunny for a change.

[anidada.livejournal.com]

Dude! On the one hand, yeah! On the other hand, OMGGASPRICES! So, um. Maybe! (I had a very large coffee this morning. Do forgive the slight madness.)

[thebitterguy]

We can see if we can arrange a 'pool for you or summat. Besides, it wouldn't be for a few weeks, so hopefully after hurricane season gas anxiety.

[anidada.livejournal.com]

And then we'll be into winter-snowstorm gas anxiety! (I know, I know. I'm just not looking forward to running a gas furnace all frickin' winter. *cringe*)

Definitely up for it if it can be arranged. We'll be at the Chicken Ball Thief's cottage for Thanksgiving weekend (and I'm sure you and everyone else will be doing familial things then anyway), but after that there's nothing planned, AFAIK. Just say the word. :)

[uncut-diamond.livejournal.com]

We need to make you Prime Minister, stat.

[thebitterguy]

I was gonna hold out for King, but I figure as long as we can get PM the PM back into Finance, everything will be oooookay.

[uncut-diamond.livejournal.com]

Yes. Let's do it.

[pyat.livejournal.com]

That is funny. :)

[thebitterguy]

I'm feeling a little oxygen rich this morning, as it were.

[perich.livejournal.com]

That'd be awesome.

[thebitterguy]

There will be a picture of the burning of the white house on the collage, marked "J/K!"

[perich.livejournal.com]

Cut out pieces of the American and Canadian flags to spell "B F F" in big letters.

[(Anonymous)]

dang canadians. :p

[m0usegrrl.livejournal.com]

bloody hilarious. you should be named King For Life Of All Of North America! thanks for giving me the best pre-caffeine laugh i've had in a long time. ^___^

[thebitterguy]

I can handle a kingdom like that. Glad you enjoyed it.

[redeem147.livejournal.com]

I thought you weren't supposed to be drinking.

[thebitterguy]

which possibility is scarier, then? I'm drinking again, or I wrote it sober?

[umario.livejournal.com]

Yeah, where did you hide these kinds of books when you were a kid? Of course, I could never keep up with your reading, so you could have read it one day and given it back to someone else.

It's frightening. There are people coming to make sure you're OK, because high school girlish run-on sentences are signs of impending lunacy.