TBGT: The Stand
Mar. 31st, 2005 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thebitterguyOkay, kids. Let's talk about Stephen King. He's richer than God, and could have any of us killed.
Thankfully, though, we don't live in a writer-ocracy, so his odds of doing so are slim.
Anyway, The Stand was medium early in his career, when he still had to at least grudgingly accept the advice of editors. Like, for example, "Hey, Steve, you should really cut out about 600 pages of this novel."
So, he did.
Now, a few years later, they turned it into a TV mini-series with a really good use of Don't Fear the Reaper. But that's irrelevant.
What makes me most filled with fear is the fact that, while the editor did manage to get him to cut several HUNDRED PAGES of stuff, they were unable to change the ending.
Oh, hey, kids? There's a spoiler coming up for a 20 year old book/10 year old tv miniseries.
Anyway, at the end of the book, several members of the Good Guys go to Vegas to confront the forces of Evil. The book puts metaphysical concepts in capital letters; thankfully, that doesn't remind me of anything.
Anyway, so, the heroes get to Vegas. They prepare to confront Evil. They lose, and get crucified. And then, at the moment of Evil's triumph, God sets off an atomic bomb.
Okay, what? Excuse me? Little help?
That last phrase just doesn't make SENSE! I mean it. God Sets Off an Atomic Bomb.
What? No, it's not getting any better, is it? Like some cruel imaginary tale, like some horrid "and he woke up and it was all a dream" bullshit, you find yourself wailing in disbelief. God Sets Off An Atomic Bomb?
Let's try parsing the words individually and seeing if it gets any better.
God: The supreme being. Pretty quiet, these past couple millennia.
Sets: A group of the same item.
Off: The opposite of On
An: An indefinite article.
Atomic: Of, or pertaining to, the basic components that form the universe.
Bomb: A Pauly Shore movie.
No! Still doesn't make sense!
Did King just decide that he'd take the term Deus Ex Machina and just fuck everyone with it? Was he just TIRED? "Oh, Christ, I've been working on this piece of shit for three DAYS now! How can I finish it? Hey, I know! I'll turn it into a series and take forever and a day to finish it! Nah, that's dumb. I know! I'll have GOD set off AN ATOMIC BOMB! That's just brilliant enough to work!"
No! It isn't FUCKING BRILLIANT! It is, in fact, the DUMBEST ending to a novel since .. God. Nothing comes to mind. It was just stupid.
And that, ladies and gentiles, is why The Stand makes my eyes bleed.
Thankfully, though, we don't live in a writer-ocracy, so his odds of doing so are slim.
Anyway, The Stand was medium early in his career, when he still had to at least grudgingly accept the advice of editors. Like, for example, "Hey, Steve, you should really cut out about 600 pages of this novel."
So, he did.
Now, a few years later, they turned it into a TV mini-series with a really good use of Don't Fear the Reaper. But that's irrelevant.
What makes me most filled with fear is the fact that, while the editor did manage to get him to cut several HUNDRED PAGES of stuff, they were unable to change the ending.
Oh, hey, kids? There's a spoiler coming up for a 20 year old book/10 year old tv miniseries.
Anyway, at the end of the book, several members of the Good Guys go to Vegas to confront the forces of Evil. The book puts metaphysical concepts in capital letters; thankfully, that doesn't remind me of anything.
Anyway, so, the heroes get to Vegas. They prepare to confront Evil. They lose, and get crucified. And then, at the moment of Evil's triumph, God sets off an atomic bomb.
Okay, what? Excuse me? Little help?
That last phrase just doesn't make SENSE! I mean it. God Sets Off an Atomic Bomb.
What? No, it's not getting any better, is it? Like some cruel imaginary tale, like some horrid "and he woke up and it was all a dream" bullshit, you find yourself wailing in disbelief. God Sets Off An Atomic Bomb?
Let's try parsing the words individually and seeing if it gets any better.
God: The supreme being. Pretty quiet, these past couple millennia.
Sets: A group of the same item.
Off: The opposite of On
An: An indefinite article.
Atomic: Of, or pertaining to, the basic components that form the universe.
Bomb: A Pauly Shore movie.
No! Still doesn't make sense!
Did King just decide that he'd take the term Deus Ex Machina and just fuck everyone with it? Was he just TIRED? "Oh, Christ, I've been working on this piece of shit for three DAYS now! How can I finish it? Hey, I know! I'll turn it into a series and take forever and a day to finish it! Nah, that's dumb. I know! I'll have GOD set off AN ATOMIC BOMB! That's just brilliant enough to work!"
No! It isn't FUCKING BRILLIANT! It is, in fact, the DUMBEST ending to a novel since .. God. Nothing comes to mind. It was just stupid.
And that, ladies and gentiles, is why The Stand makes my eyes bleed.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 04:37 am (UTC)