Do not tempt the wrath of the Mall Ninja

[thebitterguy]

From the department of "Hey, you kids, no loitering in the food court", we present:
We meet at the range every night and shoot 400 rounds each through weapons that closely resemble our duty setup. We also practice unarmed combat. I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls. I don’t think any of you are working as hard as I am to be prepared. I asked a serious question about tactical armor and I wanted a serious response. If you want to laugh at somebody, try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God.

Internet wackiness is just the best thing ever.

Comments

[cargoweasel.livejournal.com]

oh god mall ninja I nearly died. It needs to be a movie STAT. probably starring Jack Black.

[thebitterguy]

Oh, God, yes. And he saves the president from terrorists, because the cops just aren't ready.

[gamera-spinning.livejournal.com]

It is a jar of tasty awesome that spreads well on anything.

Thanks!

[absinthe-dot-ca.livejournal.com]

That really is some funny shit. It's so wrong it's almost right, if you know what I mean. :-)

[thebitterguy]

It's good to know that we can enjoy our Orange Julius in safety.

[absinthe-dot-ca.livejournal.com]

Just remember, if you take a double-sample of the dip at Hickory Farms, they'll charge you with Grand Larceny! (Seriously, as someone who actually knows that the loud end of a gun is the end that gets pointed at the bad guy, this made my sides hurt from laughing...)

[patricks.livejournal.com]

Mall Ninja is awesome.

[doccross.livejournal.com]

That was some excellently funny shit.