That's German for "The, Hollywood, The"

[thebitterguy]

I post this primarily because I think noizangel will get a kick out of it. The Onion's AV Club reviews Joe Eszterhas' Die, Hollywood, Die!.

The review is amusing, detailing as it does Eszterhas roman candle like exit from the Hollywood scene.

I watched Showgirls for about 10 minutes on Saturday night. I was really interested in it for a while, but then I wasn't interested anymore. A little later, I became interested in it again, but then I wasn't interested again.

Does anyone have a link to the "no duh" piece where they discussed how Indiana Jones destroying an ancient temple to recover a gold figure is bad archeology?

Comments

[brand-of-amber.livejournal.com]

I disagree, it's great archeology. Why? Because it gets him chicks. And lets be honest, the only reason we're digging up ancient dead things is to get chicks. Therefor, it is good.

Let us put it in logical format:

Archaeologists goal is to get chicks
Indian Jones gets chicks
Therefor the new Indiana Jones movie won't be very good.

[noizangel.livejournal.com]

...

Archeology brings in the babes? That's new.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

I think when I see that guy I'm going to dickpunch him for slagging Arthur Hiller. Yeah, he wasn't a golden god of cinema, but he was never awful and at least one of his movies, "The Americanization of Emily", deserves a lot more play than it gets.

[thebitterguy]

An Onion Article post without thetathx1138 vowing to dickpunch someone is liek a day without sunshine.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

BREAKING: EGREGIOUS TESTICLE ASSAULT AT ONION OFFICES

Seattle, WA -- An unknown assailant burst into the offices of the Onion and has punched every identifiably male staff member in the testes. This reporter was only spared due to being a woman, although he paused to offer this terrifying statement when he saw my desk nameplate:

"You're the one that wrote that shitty article about the bus crash! You're not funny! NONE OF YOU ARE FUNNY! Now where's that A.V. Club asshole?"

The individual, who burst in wearing a Ronald Reagan mask and a blue unitard, has yet to be identified. Several Onion staffers are in the hospital with serious testicular injuries. Police investigations have been hampered by police incompetence, complaining that Onion staffers are "tiresomely sarcastic even through immense pain" and unprofessionally stating "Man, if your newspaper is anything like talking to these losers, I hope this guy kicked hard enough to make them sterile."

The sole remaining clue is a box of novels by some English guy named P.G. Wodehouse, who Onion staffers have never heard of and do not find funny.

[noizangel.livejournal.com]

Nomi disapproves! Her life isn't fascinating enough, with the girl fights and puking and being a DANCER?

Geez.

It's a neat review. I think Joe Esterhaz is HILARIOUS. I wish I could get away with that shit.

You need to see Showgirls with commentary. That makes it all worth it.

[thebitterguy]

Well, if you ever do that viewing party, I'm game.

How WAS Hollywood Animal, btw?

[noizangel.livejournal.com]

Hollywood Animal is HILARIOUS. Seriously. I want to be that guy.

He's crude and ridiculous and arrogant, but he made so much money and is totally convinced there's art to it. And he actually seems pretty honest about being self-aggrandizing. I'll give it back to you at the viewing party - it's a fun read.

Trashy, but it made my bus trip to Peterborough quicker.

[thebitterguy]

I want to be him because he got paid millions of dollars to make movies that were various degrees of horrible.

[deven-science.livejournal.com]

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24595365/

[thebitterguy]

Thaaaaat's the one. Gracias!

[deven-science.livejournal.com]

No problemo.

I just happened to read it a couple of days ago.