Hoo'd Win: James T. Kirk vs Han Solo

[thebitterguy]

Greetings, Bitterites, as we return to the delightful fields of Hoo'd Win! Today's competitors are two of the most beloved figures in Sci Fi history. One, a rakish starship captain, and the other is an... uh... rakish starship captain.

Han Solo has a surprisingly involved backstory, but let it be said that he flies a ship and plays by his own rules. So does Starfleet captain James T. Kirk. Whether it's flying the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs or performing field experiments in "biological compatibility", there's nothing that can stop these two heroes of the spaceways, other than carbon freeze chambers and space syphilis.

So! Which of these solar sailors will reign supreme? You! Make! The! Call!

[Poll #1184637]

edit: Six hours later, and they're tied 26/26.

edit2: 24 hours later, and Han is ahead by a nose. Hmmm, should I close the poll?

Comments

[etherlad.livejournal.com]

I'm more a fan of Kirk, but honestly, Kirk would rip his shirt and go in for the fistfight. Solo would shoot him before he even got close.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

Solo is quite cool, but let's face it, Kirk's manlier. Can you REALLY see Solo going toe-to-toe with the Gorn?

[rodshark.livejournal.com]

He has a Wookie to do the fisticuffs for him

[nihilistic-kid.livejournal.com]

Anyone who voted for Han Solo is insane.

[redeem147.livejournal.com]

I'm assuming this is a 'who can sleep with the most women' contest, and Leia would rip Han a new one for even trying, so Kirk.

[srhall79.livejournal.com]

One on one, I have to give it to Solo. Besides a smaller waistline and a striking resemblance to Indiana Jones, this is the guy that beat feared bounty hunter Boba Fett with his eyes closed (well, blind, actually- Solo, not Fett).

[gurudata.livejournal.com]

Hiho,

I'm not sure who would win, but I'm sure the fight music would be damned cool.

CU,
Andrew

[athelind.livejournal.com]

Dun dun DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN dun dada dun dun!

[gamera-spinning.livejournal.com]

If it's the whipped Solo of Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, then there's no chance.

On the other hand, Kirk is technically dead, so unless he's a Yellowbeard, he's not that dangerous.

However, as much as I've lost faith in the Star Trek franchise, I had to go with Kirk because he cheats and he is also Denny Crane, who cannot beaten because he refers to himself in the third person.

[deven-science.livejournal.com]

Assuming each is in their prime, Kirk would lie, cheat, and steal to kick Solo's ass by any means necessary. This is coming from a guy who likes Han Solo better than Captain Kirk, but a fact's a fact, and the smuggler would go down.

[tenzil.livejournal.com]

I think you need a hoo'd win between Indiana Jones and Han Solo.

[thebitterguy]

Once Paramount's check clears.

[maliszew.livejournal.com]

Is this even a question? Come on: Jim Kirk kicks ass.

[papajoemambo.livejournal.com]

I voted for Han, but lets face it - after Kirk clumsily kicked the blaster from out of Han's hand, and there'd be some scuffling that we'd see at a distance (from which Kirk would look a lot thinner and a little taller) Kirk would nail Han over the head with a styrofoam rock held on both hands as the Coreillian forward-tackles his stomach. As Han dropped to the ground muttering "He didn't even ask.. any questions..." Kirk would be pulling his gold shirt back down over his belly.

Kirk would then thumb a trickle of blood out of the corner of his mouth, and look towards Leia who'd already be fingerwaving at him...

[thebitterguy]

I voted for Han primarily because he has a history of successfully evading large starships in pursuit of him.

Federation ships don't even have fighters to launch.

[zenten.livejournal.com]

In my perfect scenario Harrison Ford would "accidentally" break Shatner's face, so the fight scene would never get finished.

[bobmungovan.livejournal.com]

I think deep down, the question is really Star Trek vs. Star Wars. (50%: 20 vs. 20 when i answered it.)

[drewmg.livejournal.com]

followup question: which franchise has managed to do less long-term damage to itself to date?

[rodshark.livejournal.com]

Here is the scenario I envision...

The Starship enterprise detects a small, derilict looking space freighter. Starfleet has an APB on this ship for smuggling federation technology to the rebellion.

They hail the vessel and Han answers and has one of his usual "Aw hell this conversations is boring the shit outta me... how are you?" conversations with Kirk.

The Millinium Falcon tries to flee and uses some inspired evasive manuevers to avoid the Enterprises phasers. Han tries to jump to Hyperspace to escape only to have the Falcons engines cut out... again. The Enterprise gets a good bead on the Falcon and disables her deflector sheilds.

Any away team beams on board. Kirk, Spock, Bones, and two redshirts. Immediatly both redshirts are torn apart by Chewbacca, Bones goes over to the fallen redshirts, cause dammit he is a doctor not a space marine Jim.

Spock goes for a vulcan neck pinch on Chewy, but can't reach up high enough to get it locked in properly. Chewy roars and throws him down the hallway, knocking Spock out. Suddenly Chewy is zapped by Kirks phaser and is knocked out cold. Unfortunatly he falls backwards and lands on Bones.

As Kirk looks over Chewies body, wondering what the hell kind of alien this is and if he can possibly have sex with it. Han slowly slips out of one of the Falcons smuggling bays and tries to sneak up on Kirk.

His shoe squeaks on the floor and Kirk turns around. Han knows the jig is up so he fires at Kirk. The blaster ricochets off of Kirks toupee and hits his phaser, knocking it from Kirks hand.

Kirk rushes Han and they scuffle for a minute before Kirk does a judo flip and throws Han to the ground, next to Kirks phaser. Han quickly grabs the phaser, but doesn't know how to fire it, so Kirk jumps on top of Han and another scuffle ensues. On the losing end of the scuffle, Han manages to activate the phaser, it is deflected off of Kirks titanium girdle, bounces off the wall, hits his toupee again, richochets off the ceiling before striking Kirk in the buttocks and rendering him unconscious.

Han slowly crawls out from under Kirk, recovers his blaster and finishes Kirk and Spock off

[scapersuse.livejournal.com]

Priceline - er, priceless!!

[rentagurkha.livejournal.com]

Look at it this way:

Jim Kirk's greatest nemesis is Khan.

Han Solo's greatest nemesis is Boba Fett.

Khan was dumped on a hostile planet that was blown into a new orbit by an explosion, and managed to get off the planet, hijack a Starfleet vessel, steal the Genesis torpedo, and in the final analysis was only beaten because Spock gave his life to get the Enterprise to safety.

Boba Fett got accidentally whacked in the jetpack by a blinded Solo and fell into the Sarlacc's mouth.

Clearly, Khan is the superior intellect. And Kirk laughs at the superior intellect. Therefore, Khan is better than Solo, and Kirk is better than Khan.

[rodshark.livejournal.com]

Actually I would clain the Jabba is Han's greatest Nemesis. He sent dozens of bounty hunters (including Fett... who to be fair to him WAS fighting a Jedi knight, lightsaber weilding Luke when Han got lucky and disabled him). Left him imprisioned in carbonite for who knows how long, then tried to throw him into a giant gaping maw to be slowly digested for 1000 years. Not to mention that he was a brutal intergalactic ganster with a whole army, stronghold, and vast wealth at his disposal. Jabba in the final analysis was only beaten because he let his guard down and thought Leia, who had allowed herself to be captured, humiliated, drooled on, and chained up in a slave outfit by a giant slimy slug, was helpless and weak. If she hadn't been in a position to strangle him, Jabba would have fled and returned with hundreds of reinforcements.

Khan's obsession, arrogance, and megalomania caused him to make mistakes and take unneeded risks in order to take his revenge out on Kirk. So in the end his superiour intellect amounted to nothing.

And Kirk never laughed at the superior intellect, he yelled...

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!

[madmanofprague.livejournal.com]

KHAAAAN! (http://khaaan.com/)

Pragmatically, though, Kirk would just forge a billion credits with the industrial fabricators and pay Solo off.

[thebitterguy]

I'm really hoping this discussion will spark some slash fic of the two of them.

[canker-canison.livejournal.com]

While Kirk is not above cheating to win a fight, he would be distracted by any females in the vicinity. Besides, anyone who can constantly beat or evade Boba Fett is a mean muthafucker.

[rentagurkha.livejournal.com]

Boba Fett is overrated. Solo took him out while blind. Then he got eaten by a Sarlacc. He didn't even capture Han--Vader had to do the dirty work.

[eynowd.livejournal.com]

As far as I'm concerned, a much better matchup would be Captain Han Solo vs Captain Malcolm Reynolds...

[rodshark.livejournal.com]

Now that is a match I would pay to see. Of course it would have to involve both crews of the respective, beloved, junky space frieghters.

Mal VS Han
Jayne VS Chewbacca
Cloe VS Leia
River VS Luke
Kaylee VS R2D2
Simon VS C3PO
Shepard VS Ben
Alliance VS Empire

and of course
Reavers VS Ewoks

[crashing-angel.livejournal.com]

This question is going to spark the next World War, I believe.

Easy.

[he-who-hunts.livejournal.com]

Han shoots first. That's all I'm saying.

[moondispatches.livejournal.com]

Day-um, this is a close 'un.
To be clear, Han is COOLER than Kirk, but Kirk has a hell of a better win/loss ratio.

[kellyhk.livejournal.com]

Hands down, it would be Solo.

The guy oozes cool, whereas Kirk oozes cheese.

He'd kick Kirk's ass any day.

The real question is Indiana Jones v. Han Solo. Now that is a tough question.