thebitterguy: (Are you RETARDED?)
[personal profile] thebitterguy
In the eighties, two classics of the superhero genre were released, created by Frank Miller and Alan Moore. They were The Last Superman Story (Whatever happened to the Man of Tomorrow) and the Wolverine miniseries where he goes to Japan and fights ninja and gets hit on by a hot Japanese chick with a non-functioning survival instinct. Ah, man. Those were AWESOME.

Admittedly, the two of them are also slightly better kwown for some other, less enjoyable works, namely The Dark Knight Returns and Watchmen. Miller's Dark Knight Returns took Batman and pumped him into the stratosphere, postulating a retired dark knight detective who came out of retirement to suppress Gotham's gang problem. Admittedly, Jim Gordon really was screwing the pooch on this one, what with the cats being nailed to doors and stuff.

Miller's Batman was a tired old man, caught up in a mission he thought he'd left behind him when his vigilante activities were outlawed. But he puts back on the cowl, acquires a new Robin (allowing Miller to get in a petty little "I hatez hippiez" dig. Oh, Frank, you wacky neocon) and stalks the streets of Gotham, gettin' er (and by "er", I mean Justice!) done. Grrr!

Moore's Watchmen featured a group of retired heroes struggling to save themselves from an assassin who's excecuting them one by one. At least, that's what Rorschach thinks. Based on Charleton comics character The Question, who was created by high functioning Randroid Steve Ditko, Rorschach takes his name from a psychiatric test based on the patterns you see in random inkblots.

DC Comics, corporate master of both these characters, had decided to produce a new miniseries about superheroes that promises to have lots of puncheminnaface entiteld Countdown: Arena A spinoff of the increasingly disappointing Countodown series (anything happened yet? Anything at all?), this will feature a character who was a bad idea 15 years ago, Monarch, doing something that will allow for lots of puncheminnaface. Who says DC isn't the house of ideas? Wait, was that DC? Or Marvel?

Ah, well. At least they aren't arguing constitutional law at each other and making fun of Superman because he hasn't seen the Youtube video with a dog pooping on a baby. There's another one called Golden Reliever.

Anyway, to beat DC to the figurative (literal?) punch(eminnaface), I propose we settle this once and for all. Hoo'd win? Batman, the returned Dark Knight, or Rorschach, the crazy unemployed guy who has a grapple gun and body odor?

I just hope he does better than The Munsters.

[Poll #1091431]

Date: 2007-11-19 08:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stop-no-dont.livejournal.com
Arena seems to be Hoo'd Win? on steroids.

As for this week's battle, I went with Old BatYeller -- age notwithstanding, he's got the training, while being just as willing to fight dirty as Rohr.

Date: 2007-11-19 08:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] granolademonic.livejournal.com
The crazy one would win...

That not specific enough for ya?

I went with Rorschach, but only because a vote for Batman might be perceived as an implied endorsement of Miller or DKR.

I hate Frank Miller and DKR.

Date: 2007-11-19 09:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] momentrabbit.livejournal.com
I feel the need to clarify: At the end of the fight, Batman would survive and complete his goals (whatever those might be). Rorschach would be out-maneuvered, suffer a nasty beating, and in fact wind up dead (though not through Bats' actions per se). However, he'd leave behind a journal which explained how Batman was really a huge jerk, this manuscript winding up eventually in the hands of Lois Lane.

And that is why Rorschach wins. :)

Date: 2007-11-19 09:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] momentrabbit.livejournal.com
"Making any headway with that journal, Lois?"
   "Oh Clark, it's all just 'scribble scribble beans scribble rage scribble scribble Wayne scribble scribble scribble wear her dress as a mask.'"
"It.. it can't be that bad, can it?"
   "Verbatim. See? It's like the time Perry let Jimmy write about 'Talk Like A Pirate Day' on Page One."

Date: 2007-11-19 09:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] viktor-haag.livejournal.com
Batman. If Rorschach can't even handle that wannabe faux-Aryan poseur, Veidt, how's he gonna handle Bruce "What are you doing in my city" Wayne?

Date: 2007-11-19 09:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] life-on-queen.livejournal.com
Batman pwns all!

'nuff said.

Date: 2007-11-19 09:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] madmanofprague.livejournal.com
Actually, I kinda want to see Rorschach in the Timmverse dealing with all the Batman villains.

Date: 2007-11-19 09:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redeem147.livejournal.com
Did you see Mr. Moore on the Simpson's this week, with his rippling abs? (along with Art Spiegleman and Daniel Clowes.)

I found Mr. Siegleman's Maus mask very disturbing.

Date: 2007-11-19 10:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] granolademonic.livejournal.com
Both; I hate everything Miller has done.

Date: 2007-11-19 11:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pyat.livejournal.com
I was gonna say that!

Date: 2007-11-19 11:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athelind.livejournal.com
As much as I loathe what Miller did to The Bat (and DKR ushered in two solid decades of Asshole Batman in the mainstream continuity), he's still The Goddamn Batman.

Poor Walter is just gonna get his shit kicked out of him. Hell, he's gonna take a worse beating than he would have at the hands of the Bronze Age Batman, my personal choice for "quintessential archetypal Batman".

Date: 2007-11-19 11:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athelind.livejournal.com
Image (http://www.vicsage.com/jlu/)
Add your own inkblots.

Date: 2007-11-20 02:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spross.livejournal.com
Best Simpsons ever...

Date: 2007-11-20 03:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] madmanofprague.livejournal.com
Image

although i did enjoy the parody and the homage : P

You're mostly right...

Date: 2007-11-20 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dtwatts.livejournal.com
except that "The Man Who Has Everything" is even better than "Whatever Happened To The Man Of Tomorrow?"

"I know that your species discriminates on the bases of gender and age. So tell me, which of you would it be polite to kill first?"

Re: You're mostly right...

Date: 2007-11-20 04:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deven-science.livejournal.com
"I know that your species discriminates on the bases of gender and age. So tell me, which of you would it be polite to kill first?"

Not being of comic ilk, I have no idea where this line came from, but it is one of the greatest lines ever, even out of context.

Re: You're mostly right...

Date: 2007-11-20 07:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deven-science.livejournal.com
TPG?

I told you I know nothing of this subject...

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