History Bites the ROM

Forwarded by a friend of mine:

Sorry for the late notice, but we almost missed it ourselves!! History Bites the ROM is back! It runs on: April 12th, May 10th and May 24th from 7-9 p.m. It costs $55 for all 3 dates (or $50 if you register on-line) and $50 for ROM members or ($45.00 if registered on-line). I don't know if you can buy just individual dates. Still it is worth the $50.00 for even just one night. It is really interesting and very entertaining. It is hosted by Rick Green and a panel of three experts from the ROM (including Gayle Gibson).

This is at the Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto.

http://www.rom.on.ca

(crossposted to the_frantics)

Baycon?

Anyone out there know if Bayshore is holding Baycon this year? If not (which it appears to be) is there still the Used Game Sale?

TBGT: Wrestlemania 21 Parody Trailers

So, in advance of the Greatest Evening in Pro Wrestling (which is like the Best Four Days in Gaming, only sweatier) the WWE has produced a series of "parody trailers".

Now, you get to sit here and listen to me talk about them. Ain't you lucky?

In order! Of best to worst!

Basic Instinct: Okay, take one of the most memorable scenes out there, re-write it, play it with enough straightness to emphasize the sublime ludicrousness, and throw in a Mae Young punchline, and you're sailing, kids. Sailing!

Plus, dig the wigs.

Taxi Driver: Famous Scene, played for laughs. A dozen and a half superstars take turns repeating lines from the soliloquy that made DeNiro famous. Big Show & Batista get the lions share of abuse. Molly Holly gets points for being cute.

A Few Good Men: Like the Basic Instinct one, recasting John Cena and JBL as Tom Cruise and Jack. Really, the worst part was that they didn't seem to put too much effort into making sure Cena's dress uniform fit terribly well.

Pulp Fiction: It's Booker T and Eddie. Why can't they just make them a tag team, dammit!

Forrest Gump: Eugene plays an Idiot Man Child. Okay, sure. Worth watching only for the punchline ("Run, Eugene! Run!")

When Harry Met Sally: Okay, amusing. Not really fond of the original (it's in the BAD place) and Christie Hemme's wearing too many clothes.

Braveheart: "Here you go, Mr. Flair! I'm sorry, but the sackcloth has no room for your dignigty. Please leave it here by the door."

Dirty Harry: Dear Mr. Undertaker: Fuck off. Yours, The Bitter Guy.

TBGT: The Stand

Okay, kids. Let's talk about Stephen King. He's richer than God, and could have any of us killed.

Thankfully, though, we don't live in a writer-ocracy, so his odds of doing so are slim.

Anyway, The Stand was medium early in his career, when he still had to at least grudgingly accept the advice of editors. Like, for example, "Hey, Steve, you should really cut out about 600 pages of this novel."

So, he did.

Now, a few years later, they turned it into a TV mini-series with a really good use of Don't Fear the Reaper. But that's irrelevant.

What makes me most filled with fear is the fact that, while the editor did manage to get him to cut several HUNDRED PAGES of stuff, they were unable to change the ending.

Oh, hey, kids? There's a spoiler coming up for a 20 year old book/10 year old tv miniseries.

Anyway, at the end of the book, several members of the Good Guys go to Vegas to confront the forces of Evil. The book puts metaphysical concepts in capital letters; thankfully, that doesn't remind me of anything.

Anyway, so, the heroes get to Vegas. They prepare to confront Evil. They lose, and get crucified. And then, at the moment of Evil's triumph, God sets off an atomic bomb.

Okay, what? Excuse me? Little help?

That last phrase just doesn't make SENSE! I mean it. God Sets Off an Atomic Bomb.

What? No, it's not getting any better, is it? Like some cruel imaginary tale, like some horrid "and he woke up and it was all a dream" bullshit, you find yourself wailing in disbelief. God Sets Off An Atomic Bomb?

Let's try parsing the words individually and seeing if it gets any better.

God: The supreme being. Pretty quiet, these past couple millennia.

Sets: A group of the same item.

Off: The opposite of On

An: An indefinite article.

Atomic: Of, or pertaining to, the basic components that form the universe.

Bomb: A Pauly Shore movie.

No! Still doesn't make sense!

Did King just decide that he'd take the term Deus Ex Machina and just fuck everyone with it? Was he just TIRED? "Oh, Christ, I've been working on this piece of shit for three DAYS now! How can I finish it? Hey, I know! I'll turn it into a series and take forever and a day to finish it! Nah, that's dumb. I know! I'll have GOD set off AN ATOMIC BOMB! That's just brilliant enough to work!"

No! It isn't FUCKING BRILLIANT! It is, in fact, the DUMBEST ending to a novel since .. God. Nothing comes to mind. It was just stupid.

And that, ladies and gentiles, is why The Stand makes my eyes bleed.