If only I could draw, I'd have drawn this for you

[thebitterguy]

The Mohareb Test
From the forthcoming Wogs to Watch Out For
JUSTIN and SCOOTER are walking down the sidewalk, away from a MOVIE HOUSE.

Panel 1

SCOOTER
(close up)
Seriously, you don't want to see ANY of them?

Panel 2

JUSTIN
(close up)
Nope. Not a single one would be able to pass the Mohareb test.

Panel 3

(wide panel, both their heads are visible)

SCOOTER

I'm gonna regret asking, but...

JUSTIN

(word balloon overwhelms Scooter's)

The Mohareb Test is a simple way for me to determine whether or not I will see a film. If there are two characters played by Arab actors in it, and they talk about somethign that isn't A) Isreal or B) blowing something up, then I'll see it. Otherwise, I don't have time for that shit.

Panel 4

Scooter

(Close up; SCOOTER looks over at JUSTIN and seems confused)

Do you see any movies?

Panel 5

JUSTIN
(Opening door to Tim Horton's, letting SCOOTER enter)

Nah. There are surprisingly few films that qualify in either the Space Action or Romantic Comedy genres. I did enjoy Pitch Black. Everything else is a documentary or some dramatic bullshit, usually about gay guys.

Panel Six
JUSTIN Turns to the reader

And if your'e in fucking hollywood, quit it with the Italians and Greeks and Fucking ENGLISHMEN. Jesus, if you're gonna denigrate an ethnic group with stereotypical, one dimensional roles, at least dignify the actors in that group with an uncle tom paycheck.

And throw the poor bastards a bone, eh? One groom who's gonna be jilted at the altar or donut eating comic cop once in a while would let them eat some non-pork products with pride.

Panel Seven

SCOOTER's voice ballon over his shoulder.

What about Harold and Kumar?

JUSTIN

I will bend the rules a little in that case.

Comments

[pyat.livejournal.com]

OW! My fourth wall!

[easyalchemy.livejournal.com]

I may apply the Mohareb Rule in future. I mean, it's pretty embarassing at this point. Do filmmakers really not know any Arab dudes? It's so 80s.
But how can you tell? They keep sneaking it in in the stupidest places.

[thebitterguy]

You didn't get any narrative plaster in your hair, did you?