The Bitter Guide to JSA: Savage Times

[thebitterguy]

Fuck, man. I ordered this book for one reason, and one reason only: the cover. The cover shows Captain Marvel, Hawkgirl, and Mr. Terrific fighting an evil Metamorpho in ancient Egypt (you can tell it's ancient Egypt because there are pyramids in the background and sand monsters rising to attack them).



This hit me in the face like a fucking trout. I was all "Man, so much AWESOME shit happened in ancient Egypt in the DCU! You had Nabu, the forefather of Dr. Fate, and you had Black Adam and the original incarnations of Hawkman and Hawkgirl and blah blah blah super story with arc blah blah Orb of Ra blah blah". Yes, the book promised me so much it made me mentally handicapped.

Then, I got the book from my father in law and his wife for Christmas (why isn't she my mother in law? I think it's best we put that in the "let's not go there" category, 'kay?). The book and the cute bag it was put in where misplaced under some Lost figurines (bought, and elizalavelle can confirm this, only because they were half price), and I found it a couple days ago.

I am glad for this, because although I've had the book for 10 months, I did not get to experience the huge disappointment in it until just now.

Of the seven issues of JSA in this book, exactly two deal with the heroes adventures in ancient DCEgypt. It pretty much consists of "Vandal Savage has McGuffin, summons army of sand monsters, heroes fight sand monsters and bring out Deus Ex Machina and win.

The army of Sand Monsters, btw, looks like something from a cheap ass SciFi channel ripoff of The Mummy. I strongly suspect Goyer & Johns dropped some acid, watched The Mummy Two: Electric Boogaloo, and wrote this particular two issue piece of shit.

So, yeah, cover sets up sprawling epic battle, inside it's 2/7s of the book.

The rest of the book consists of Power Girl's super-stalker, Captain Marvel defeating the grandson of a nazi supervillain with love (LOVE! Where's the fucking strength of Hercules, Billy?), and the first two parts of the demi-arc that led the heroes to ancient DCEgypt (which, if nothing else, I made up after reading this book).

Then, another issue got put in with a Dr. Fate subplot and a Kobra story that's apparently part of some ongoing arc with him.

Jesus, what did DC editorial do to Gemworld? It looks so fucked up. Did Amethyst end up spending quality time with Dr. Light in the end? Did I have a reason to punch Didio in the face over the summer?

I have no investment in the JSA. The characters and their relationships and the development, I'm sure that's all fucking FASCINATING over the long term. I'm sure that fucked up comics aging aside (are the original JSA members still all WW II vets? Are my AS-S issues now invalidated? I'm actually not that concerned!), there's lots of fascinating stories to be told here.

But that cover sold me a story, and I got only a fragment of that story inside. And a pretty lousy one, too.

And, yes, it's somewhat self contradictory for a guy who will happily rail against lousily paced stories being padded out to be trade paperbacks complaining that he's getting a bunch of single issue stories bundled together in a trade. Guess what, kids? I am large and hence contain multitudes.

Man. Up on eBay with you, misleading JSA trade!

Comments

[jkahane.livejournal.com]

Everyone talks about how DC Comics screwed around with LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES continuity, but the truth is that they also screwed around with that of the JSA. Given the history and continuity of Superman these days, the All-Star Squadron and the Young All-Star stuff may well be written out of continuity or not, depending.

The recent issues of JSA and the JSA Annual that had Power Girl back on Earth-2 was some of my favourite comic reading material of late, simply because it gave the JSA back some of that continuity that is sorely missed. Heck, it even had Helena Wayne's Huntress in it! :)

[viktor-haag.livejournal.com]

You know, I was quite hoping to get into the new JSA, as written by Johns, but frankly, until DC can get their crap together and realize that people who buy trade paper versions of comics do not want to get fleeced on crappily produced hardcovers and just release the damned tpbs already, I won't be reading it. Ditto All Star Superman.

[bandersnitch.livejournal.com]

I am going to recommend NOT linking to this review on you eBay listing.

That and "I am large and hence contain multitudes." is the best thing I have read all day!

[thebitterguy]

Any day I can quote Whitman is a good one.

I realy need to read that whole thing someday.

[thebitterguy]

I want a good, chunky HC if I'm gonna get one. Something like the Runaways or Planet Hulk HCs. Sinestro Corps deserved one, as does A-S Superman.

[jeffreyab.livejournal.com]

I got into the last JSA arc when the alternate Superman showed up but I have dropped the current arc.

I find the Golden Age Heroes fascinating and have done so since I started reading reprints of them in the old 80 page giants of the sixties.

[creativedv8tion.livejournal.com]

Here in America, we have a saying.

"Never judge a book by its cover."